2013년 11월 24일 일요일

About 'international pacific university'|Griffith University International Rankings







About 'international pacific university'|Griffith University International Rankings








Americans               received               a               wake-up               call               Friday               morning               when               the               Asia               Pacific               Society               for               Sexual               Mastery               (APSSM)               released               a               report               claiming               that               Chinese               men               and               women               rank               number               one               globally               in               genital               size,               sexual               technique,               and               overall               in-the-sack               performance,               far               outpacing               their               American               peers.

The               report,               published               in               the               most               recent               issue               of               Americans               Who               Have               Foreign               Affairs,               supports               recent               speculation               that               America's               propensity               to               out-thrust               and               out-maneuver               its               international               competitors               is               quickly               losing               steam.
               "It               all               comes               down               to               quality               education,"               a               jubilant               APSSM               spokesman,               Hung               Very               Low,               said               while               shamelessly               squeezing               his               crotch               with               his               hand               right,               which               seemed               disproportionately               small               in               comparison               to               his               professed               genital               girth.

"Starting               at               the               age               of               5,               young               Chinese               boys               and               girls               are               taught               to               imitate               the               greatest               porn               stars               of               all               time,               including               Rocco               Siffredi,               Marilyn               Chambers,               and               Ron               Jeremy,               whom               we               refer               to               as               The               Chosen               One."
               The               study               also               revealed               that               America's               Gross               Domestic               Penis               Length               (GDPL),               which               measures               the               total               value               of               all               American               penis               lengths               combined,               has               dropped               to               a               record               low               of               700               million               inches               among               140               million               men,               while               the               Chinese               GDPL               has               risen               to               a               whopping               3300               million               inches               among               550               million               men.

This               translates               to               per               capita               rates               of               approximately               5               inches               and               6               inches,               respectively,               which               means               that               the               average               Chinese               penis               is               now               1               inch               longer               than               the               average               American               penis.
               "This               substantial               change               in               penis               length,               at               least               from               the               Chinese               perspective,               can               be               exclusively               attributed               to               the               1991               release               of               Taony               the               Tiger's               instrumental               parenting               guide,               What               Chinese               Parents               Can               Do               To               Make               Sure               Their               Young               Boys               Grow               Up               To               Have               Bigger               And               Better               Penises               Than               Their               Stupid,               Democracy-Loving               Counterparts               In               America,"               Hung               Low               noted.

"Since               its               release,               China's               GDLP               per               capita               has               been               steadily               rising               at               a               rate               of               .05               inches               per               year."
               According               to               the               report,               another               aspect               that               has               greatly               contributed               to               China's               sexual               dominance               is               its               sex-toy               manufacturing               industry,               which               was               reformed               and               modernized               in               late               1999               by               former               President               Jiang               Zemin.

Prior               to               1999,               most               retail               sex               toys               in               China               were               imported               from               the               United               States.

By               investing               in               manufacturing               and               subsequently               decreasing               China's               reliance               on               foreign               sex               toys,               President               Jiang               inadvertently               helped               skyrocket               China's               sexual               pride.
               "What               is               a               country               without               its               own               nationally               branded               sex               toys?"               Hung               asked.
               "It               would               be               like               Americans               driving               Japanese               Hondas,               Isuzus,               and               Mitsubishis,"               Hung               remarked,               chuckling               at               the               audacity               of               such               an               outlandish               thought.
               Despite               the               substantial               losses               in               genital               size               and               sexual               pride,               many               Americans               still               remain               in               denial.

Only               two               hours               after               the               report               was               released,               republicans               congregated               outside               the               Capitol               building               to               protest               against               what               they               referred               to               as               "outrageous,               Communist               lies               perpetrated               by               President               Obama."               The               situation               grew               so               out               of               control               that               House               Speaker               John               Boehner               was               arrested               for               showcasing               his               boner.
               "If               Americans               don't               start               facing               the               reality               of               what's               happening               around               us,               the               same               thing               will               happen               to               them               that               happened               to               Boehner,"               Professor               of               Sexuality               Charles               Leonia               from               the               University               of               Alabama               told               reporters               at               a               press               conference               immediately               following               the               ordeal               in               Washington,               D.C.
               He               continued,               "We               must               accept               the               truth               and               then               work               to               change               the               very               fabric               of               our               country               if               we               are               to               ever               catch               back               up               with               the               Chinese.

It               will               require               investing               in               quality-sex               education,               U.S.

sex               toy               manufacturing,               and               even               infrastructure.

Without               quality               roads               that               our               children               can               use               to               drive               up               to               Makeout               Hill,               how               will               they               ever               learn               to               screw               correctly?"
               Are               Americans'               days               as               the               greatest               lovers               on               Earth               gone               for               good,               or               is               there               still               a               chance               they               can               redeem               their               former               status               as               masters               of               penetration?

It's               a               complicated               question               with               no               clear-cut               answer.

Many               remain               hopeful,               though,               that               the               president               will               do               everything               he               can               to               ensure               America               soon               rises               back               up               like               an               excited               penis,               and               reclaims               its               place               at               the               top.
               Speaking               of               the               president,               Obama               had               only               this               to               say               about               the               report:               "They               may               be               better               in               the               sack,               and               they               may               even               have               bigger               penises               than               most               of               us,               though               certainly               not               me,               but               their               balls               will               never               be               as               big               as               ours!"






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